On the Set of Fushigi Yuugi
by Vitamin X
Summary: A normal day filming Fushigi Yuugi..... or as normal as it gets! Cameos from other animes, it's hilarious! PG 13 for swearing and sexual references.
1. Sailor Seishi or Shichiseishi?

?ON THE SET OF FUSHIGI YUGI: A TWISTED PARODY?

By SakuraWorshiper With The Aid Of Shangri-la 

  
  


A/N: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi, Slayers, Gundam Wing, Ranma ½, CardCaptor Sakura, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Cowboy Bebop, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Sailor Moon, *OR* the Hamster Dance song! Ok, here's the deal -_-" even *I* don't know how this will turn out... The idea just came to me, while I was flossing my teeth... Weird time to get ideas, ne? But all of my weirdness aside, I think this will be a *really* funny, PWP fic! It's just what I've been trying to come up with for a while! *SMILES* I know, I know.... I should stop writing these pointless stories and get on with the self-insert! Well, *BLEGH* *raspberry*! I don't wanna!!! It's 11:30pm, already and I *still* have to write the ending for the Nuriko fic!!! *CRIES* So don't be *mean* or *cruel*!! I'm trying my *best*! *Dodges object* Ha! Ya missed me! .... Aack! *Table slams into face and author falls over unconscious*

Alright! Since you idiots went and knocked out the author, I, her subconscious have been forced to take over! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You really don't have *ANY* idea what gets pushed into me!!! So, while I'm in control, all I can say is "Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid!" Let us begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

-_-" No! No, I'm fine! *author wheezes* I can write! Daijoubu! (Oh yea! From time to time, my subconscious might try to take over.... So if he does you can call it Subby k?? -_-") 

PG 13 for swearing and mild sexual references.

  
  
  
  


"LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!"

"Tomahome!"

"Miaka!"

"Oh, I'm so glad you're still alive!"

Director is in tears, "It's so sad! That's it! Love baby, that's what we need!"

"I'm just glad I got here in time to save you..."

All is quiet while the two wait for Tokaki's entrance. 

"So, Soi baby! Wanna go out for dinner with me some time? You look stressed out!"

"EW, you old pervert! Get away from me! MIBOSHI!! SAVE ME!!!"

"AHEM!! WHO is supposed to be in this scene?" The Director is glaring at Tokaki.

"Umm....." the Byakko Seishi flips through his screenplay, trying to find the scene.

"YOU! YOU AHOU!!!!!!!!!! NOW GET IN THERE!!!!!"

A grumbling Tokaki takes his place.

"FINE! Take it from the top! And Miaka?"

"Hai? Director-sama?"

"I need a little more love! You gotta really show Toma-baby you care! OK?"

Miaka sweatdrops, "sure....."

"ALRIGHT! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!"

"TOMAHOME!!!!"

"MIAKA!!!!"

"OH! I'm JUST SO GLAD You're Still ALIVE!!!!!"

"I'm just glad I got here IN TIME TO SAVE YOU!!!!"

"Tomahome?! THAT OLD MAN IS STARING AT ME!!!!!"

"You old LECH! HYAAA!!!"

"Is that any way to treat your master?!"

Tomahome falls unconscious.

"CUT!!"

"Oh, that was PERFECT!!!!"

"Cha! I was much better!" Tasuki is standing off-set with his arms folded.

"Tasuki, you were cool! Let me get some clothes on and we can take our break together!"

"Sure, Miaka! But you know, you may as well keep your clothes off...."

Tomahome jumps off the ground and proceeds to lunge at the bandit, "you.... Hentai!!!!"

Tasuki easily blocked his attack, "hey, just because you're a couple during filming, off stage, don't forget, she likes me better!"

"Why you......"

He did not finish his sentence, on account of he was flattened by Ashitare. 

"Tasuki!! I think you're the coolest! I love your fangs!"

"Naturally...." 

"EEK!!!!"

"What the hell!"

Miaka came running out of her trailer, "Tomo and Nakago are doing the nasty in my bed!!!!!" 

Tomahome threw Ashitare off of him and ran into said room, "that Bastard! He said he loved me!" He looked into the room, to find exactly what Miaka had said, "Nakago? How could you? I- I thought you loved me??" He was backing out of the trailer tears forming in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Toma-kins. But it just wouldn't have worked out. You know, us being from different countries and all. I'm no good at long-distance relationships, and besides, you're not as rough as I like....." the General explained.

Tomahome ran out wiping away at his tears. "I can't believe he'd cheat on me, like that!"

"Hey, Toma-baby! I'm always available!" 

"Uhh..... sorry Yui, you're not my type."

"Why not? Nakago and Yui-sama are exactly the same! They're both blonde-haired scheming bitches and-"

"What was that Suboshi?!"

"Umm.... Nothing Yui-sama! Eh heh heh heh....."

"You really should learn when to keep your mouth shut, *younger brother*."

"Oh yea? Well I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you Mr. I Infiltrated The Suzaku And *Almost* Killed Them Using My Stupid Wooden Flute!!!!!! Just because Mom and Dad like you better, doesn't mean you can boss me around on set!!"

"Yes, it does!"

"Oh, that's it!! I should have let Tomo kill you!!! Go YO-YO's Of Death!!!!"

"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They run off into the distance, shouting insults at each other.

"Yea. So......"

"Oh Hotohori-sama!! I love your outfit!!!"

"Why thank you Nuriko...."

"Oh, Director-sama?" the cross-dresser sang out across the set.

"Yes?"

"Well.... Since I'm dead and Hotohori is in Konan..... can we take the day off?"

"But.. Hotohori has a scene coming up and-"

"Thank you!"

The door slams as the two Seishi walk out.

"Oh dear...."

"You see Taiitsu-kun. I can't be a student of yours, because every-time I see your face I wanna hurl no da. And besides, the Nyan Nyan are just too cute to live with you no da! You should let them fix your face na no da!"

"Oh, you die!"

"DAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

An SD imp goes flying into the distance.

"Oh great! Taiitsu-kun why'd you do that?! He's in the next scene!"

"He deserved it! With his damn "no da's" and his "I'm so cute, look at me" attitude! I can't stand monks!!!"

"But Taiitsu-kun! Listen, baby... He's essential to the rest of the plot! Can't you bug Nuriko or Hotohori? At least they aren't in the *NEXT SCENE*!!!!!!"

"I'm sorry. I'll try not to send anyone into another country next time...."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good!" the director looks around for the others, "hey where'd Toma, Tasuki and Miaka go? They start the next scene in 5 minutes!! Argh! Today is not going well!!"

There was a popping sound and four Nyan Nyans came flying down on him, "we help!"

"Oh, why thank you." The little girls escorted him to his chair. One produced a pitcher of lemonade, while another gave him a fluffy pillow, and the other two proceeded to rub his feet and shoulders. "You're so tense! Let us heal you!"

"You are *too* kind to me!" 

Suddenly a burst of laughter came from somewhere. Everyone turned to see Chiriko and Miboshi bent over a book. They are both howling with laughter. (Which for Miboshi, is a very *scary* thing!)

Mitsukake walks up to them, "what are you too doing?"

"Hmm? Oh Mits, we're just reading a manga that Miaka gave to me! It's hilarious!"

"I see," the doctor said sweat-dropping. Leaving them to their book he turned to find Soi standing in front of him. "Yes, Soi?"

"Mitsukake, I... I-"

"Yea, what is it? I haven't got all day ya know!"

"Well... I think your very attractive and I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me sometime??" The purple-haired girl was blushing furiously and staring holes in the ground.

"I'll think about it..... Here's my card. Call me sometime after work. Ciao!"

"Ahhhh....." Soi clutched the card to her chest and fainted. 

Miboshi and Chiriko looked up at the swooning girl, "is she dead?"

"I hope so.... I didn't like her very much..." They both got evil gleams in their eyes.

"Should we?"

"Yes, most definitely!"

The two set to work and moments later......

"Eek! What the Heck?! What is with this outfit?!"

Chiriko and Miboshi looked up at their work, their eyes shining, "don't you like your new costume? You're Sailor Soi!" They collapsed into laughter. Soi ran off to find a mirror which was conveniently placed on the set. 

She inspected herself with growing anger and shock. Her hair had been done up into odango's and she was wearing a very skimpy version of the Sailor Seishi outfit. "AHHH!!!!!! I AM *NOT* A SAILOR SEISHI!!!! I'M A SHICHISEISHI!!!!!" She whirled around to the two young offenders, "you two will pay!" She began to summon her lightning when....

"Sailor Moon! I'll save you!" Soi was swept off her feet by Tuxedo Mask. She pulled a hammer out of hyper-space and bashed him with it. 

"Don't touch me you Perve!!! I'm *not* your damn Sailor Moon!!!" This time she summoned her lightning and blasted the masked man into the next dimension.

"Wow Soi! That was great!"

She whirled on them and would have knocked them both into the other realm as well if it weren't for the fact that her outfit was embarrassingly tight. She blushed and ran to her trailer, shouting threats.

Subby: Ok! This is boring! I bet all your readers are *so* tired of this fic!

Author: No! It's just getting good! I swear!

Subby: Sure it is.... Now that I'm here to take over!

Author: No!!!! You can't!

Subby: Yes I can! Your readers want me to.... They're bored out of their minds! Just look at them!

Authir: *looks at readers: they are all falling asleep with bored expressions on faces* *cries* It's true! I'm a *horrible* writer!!! Waaa..........

Subby: Don't cry! Daijoubu! I'll take over and will see if they like my ideas better! Besides, that last appearance by Tuxedo Mask gave me a *great* idea!!!

Author: *sniffles* Really? 

Subby: *beams* Yup! You just sit back and relax!

Author: *still sniffling* k.......

Subby: ok! Back to the fic!!!!


	2. In Love With Naga! Lina's Pissed!

  
  


Suddenly a limo pulls up and Chichiri steps out. All the people still on the site stare at him.

"Wow! The monk travels in style!"

The mage walks to the other side and opens the door. Everyone falls to the ground clutching their heads as an overly-annoying laugh fills the air. 

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" (Oh yea! You know who it is!) A tall woman with black hair and a huge bust wearing a rather skimpy outfit stepped out of the limo. Chichiri takes her hand and they approach the middle of the set.

"Chichiri-san?? Who is that?!"

Chichiri stopped and gazed at the woman, totally in love, "this is Naga! She's filming Slayers on the next set over. Thanks to Taiitsu-kun I had the privilage to meet her." He had stars in his eyes.

"Umm..... She doesn't look like your type........."

"Da?"

"Ummm..... aren't you a monk??"

"Well, that doesn't mean I've sworn off women! Besides, she's my dream!!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It's SO Nice TO Meet YOU All!!!"

Everyone sweat-drops, "sure thing....."

"Chiri-baby? Why don't we go someplace where we can be alone......."

"Sure, Naga......"

All of a sudden Tasuki, Toma and Miaka show up.

"Whoa!! Who's the BABE!!!!" Tomahome began to drool.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm sorry! But I'm *WAY* out of *your* league!!!"

"Home? I thought you were still getting over Nakago?"

"I was, but you just gotta move on!"

"Speaking of moving on...... NAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A red-haired young woman appeared on the set, "What the HELL do you think you're doing?! We have to pack up and get ready for the next scene!" She approached her companion and began to pull her by her hair.

"Lina!!! I can't!! I just met the *man of my dreams* and-"

Lina grew fangs and loomed over her pouting co-star with numerous pinch marks appearing on her head, "WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!!!"

Naga looked at her and laughed, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Admit it Lina!! You *need* me!! You can't finish Slayers by yourself!!"

Lina was trying to control her trembling fist, which of it's own right also had multiple pinch marks on it, "Naga. I'm only gonna ask once. Please come back to the set."

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You *do* need me!!! Well, I'm sorry, but I love Chichiri!!"

"THAT'S IT!! FIREBALL!!!!!!!!!!!"

Naga burst into flames and crumpled to the ground burnt to a crisp.

"DAAAA!!!! What did you do?!!"

"Oh, don't worry about it," Lina was examining her nails, "she's used to it. She'll be her usual annoying self in a few minutes."

Miaka was whispering to Tomahome, "hey! Doesn't she look like Tasuki?"

"Yea.... red hair, fangs... Hell, even the temper is the same!!"

"Yea, not to mention an obsession with fire...." Miaka slammed her fist down.

"I know! Let's have a match!"

Tomahome sweat-dropped, "a what?"

"A match! I wanna see who's better, Tasuki or Lina!"

"Oh I am so much better than any *girl*!!!"

"Oh yea! Will just see about that!"

Minutes later the set has been turned into a showdown, with Lina and Tasuki facing each other from opposite sides. The Director is in tears, "please don't do this! I need Tasuki in one piece for the next scene! And what if the set gets destroyed? Oh please don't......"

"Yea, yea whatever! Look, you don't hafta worry, cuz there ain't no way I'm gonna let a girl beat me!"

"You seem pretty sure of yourself! I bet you go down in one shot!"

"We'll just hafta see!"

Tomahome stepped into the center, "Why do I have to be the ref?"

"Because, you're used to getting burned!!"

"Fine! Ok, here are the rules! Nothing short of a complete and total knockout! No time-limit, use anything you want! Alright begin!"

The two opponents glared at each other, then Tasuki launched forward, with a speed that took Lina by surprise. He punched out, but she dodged it and blasted him with a "Fireball!!"

He turned and glared at her, "fine! Fight fire with fire!" he pulled out his tessen and opened it.

"LEKKA SHINEN!!!!!!!!!!!"

The flames swirled around Lina but she put up a barrier at the last instant. Although she was still singed a bit.

"Why you!! ELMEKIA LANCE!!!!!"

"LEKKA SHINEN!!!!"

The attacks met and canceled each other.

On the sidelines, everyone had gathered to watch the fight.

"Gee, I wonder who will win?"

"Well, it all depends, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"What do you mean "it all depends"?"

"Well, it all depends on if Lina is really pissed off or not! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

Everyone sweat-dropped, not quite sure what that was supposed to mean.....

The two combatants were running all over the place, trying to hit each other and dodge at the same time. Lina hid behind Chiriko as Tasuki let loose some more flames. Luckily the flames died before they could hit.

Tomahome leaped up, "hey! You can't use human shields!!!"

Both red-heads glared at him, "Shut up Ref!!! You said we could use *anything*!!"

"Yea, but not-eep!" Two fire attacks swirled towards him. He was singed and fell to the ground.

"Tomahome? Are you still alive?" Miaka was checking for his pulse. When she found it she turned her attention away. He was left to sizzle on the ground.

"LEKKA SHINEN!!!!" Tasuki's flames hit Lina straight on and she yelled.

"OK! THAT DOES IT!! THIS MATCH IS OVER!!!!!!!"

She began to chant a spell, as the ground shook and her hair flowed up above her head,

"Darkness beyond twilight..

Crimson beyond blood that flows...."

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now you've done it! She's pissed!" Naga stood and grabbed Chichiri's hand dragging him away, "We do not want to be here when she lets loose! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They ran off into the distance and everyone else followed suite.

Except Tasuki, who was frozen to his spot, Toma who was still sizzling and the Director who was frantically trying to get as much stuff packed as he could.

"Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows...

I pledge myself to conquer..

All the foes who stand..."

"Oh shit...... This is not good!" Tasuki ran grabbing the Director and taking him with him, as the Kamikaze sorceress continued the spell.

"Against the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hands....

DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The entire area blew and Tasuki along with the Director went flying into the sky.

"OH SHIT!!!!!"

Dust and debris flew up and billowed into the sky. When everything settled down, Lina was standing alone in a hole with a 5 mile radius.

She glanced around at what she had done, "oops! I guess I overdid it! Oh well! Bye!"

"Not So FAST Young Lady!!!" The Director was looming over her with a gleam in his eyes.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT MY SET?????!!!!! I HAVE A SCHEDULE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!"

Lina sweat-dropped, "umm...... Get the set builders to rebuild the set?"

The Director collapsed in tears, "How am I going to explain this?? I'm ruined! Ruined!!"

Lina snuck away from the mentally unstable Director, "don't worry! Just put it on my tab, Eh heh heh heh!" She burst into a run, "NAGA!!!! WE GOTTA GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!"

  
  


Chichiri tried desperately to reach out to the fleeing woman, who was carrying off his true love, "Naga! Come back!" He sank to his knees and began to cry.

Minutes later (because in Anime hours go by like minutes) the set was fully-restored.

The Director had stopped crying and was ready to get back to work.


	3. Gundam Pilots and the Great Tatewaki Kun...

  
  


"Alright, where's Toma-baby?"

Everyone looked around. "Wasn't he inside the blast radius when Lina went off?"

"Oh my God!! He was!! What am I gonna do?!"

"Don't worry! I'm ok! I seem to have this special ability that allows me not to die!"

"Oh good! Now we can finish filming-" As if on cue there was a whooshing sound and a massive wind blew by. Everyone looked up to see a huge blockish robot. It landed...... right in the middle of the set. "What now?! What the *HELL* is *that* thing??!!"

"Ooh! I know! I know!"

"Yes Chiriko?"

"It's a Gundam!!"

Everyone face-planted. "A WHAT?!"

"A Gunadam! A new type of Mobile Suit built by the colonies for the use of-"

"Ok, that's great Chiriko! Why is it *here*?"

"I dunno! Ask the pilot! Look it's opening!"

"The pilot?! You mean there's someone *in* that thing?!" 

"Of course! Duh! It can't fly by itself!"

Everyone stared in awe as a fifteen year-old Chinese boy stepped out of the cockpit, "Ahh... China! I'm home at last!!" 

"Excuse me!"

The boy looked down to see them, "yes?"

"Well, I'm sorry to be rude, but could you *please* move your "Gundam" to a different location? We are *trying* to film here!"

"What?! I can't even *land* without encountering weaklings! You are not worthy of my time!"

"How rude! I demand to know your name, young man!"

"I, am Wufei! And you shall rue the day you heard it!" He pulled a sword out of his cockpit and jumped down to face the Director, "JUSTICE shall be *SERVED*!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He lunged forward and just about impaled the director when Hotohori jumped in front and met Wufei's sword with his own.

"Hotohori?! Where did you come from?!"

"I'm sorry, but we lost track of time and then when we heard about that explosion we started right back." The Emperor was busily fighting off the young "Self-Appointed Justice Freak".

"What are you doing? We have no quarrel with you! We just wish you to remove that blockish eye-sore from our set!"

"EYE-SORE!!?? YOU SHALL DIE!!!! JUSTICE!!!!!!" he lunged forward but was thwarted and pushed to the ground. With one swift flick of his wrist Hotohori placed his blade up against the young boy's throat. Wufei glared at him and threw away his sword. "You win."

Hotohori put away his own weapon and Wufei stood and bowed.

"My deepest apologies. You are a worthy opponent, and I would gladly spare with you anytime."

"It is alright! Just move that, that, machine of yours please...."

"Yes, of course."

Moments later, there was a squeal. Everyone turned to see Nuriko dragging something behind him. 

"Nuriko what are you doing?"

"Look who I found!" He pushed his burden out in front of him. Everyone sweat-dropped as they saw it was a person. "Isn't he cute! He's my long lost twin brother!"

Everyone face-planted. "Nuriko, I didn't know you had another brother!" Miaka piped up. 

"He was long lost, so I never mentioned him!" He turned to his "brother", "it's been so long!" 

Everyone sweat-dropped again. "Umm, what's his name?" 

"Oh! Umm......."

"It's Duo! Can you stop hugging me? I mean sure, I like people who are friendly, but not *that* friendly!" Nuriko released him from the Death grip and laughed nervously.

"Sorry Duo! It's just been so long since I've seen you! How have you been?"

"Well..... Sometimes I feel like I've been through Hell, but other than that I've been great!" He smiled.

Miaka stepped forward, "Umm Nuriko?"

"Yes, Miaka?"

"Are you *sure* he's your long lost twin? I mean you don't look that much alike."

Nuriko flipped his braid, "what are you talking about Miaka? Of course we look alike! I mean just look at our eyes and our hair and our builds! We're spitting images!"

Everyone face-vaulted, while Duo's mouth twitched as he laughed nervously, "umm...... I have to agree with them! We don't *really* look alike and-"

Nuriko whirled on him, his eyes becoming wide and his mouth trembling, "what are saying? Of course we look alike! Don't let them get to you!" He hugged Duo, who in turn almost died from lack of oxygen. 

"Sure! If you say so!" The boy turned to see Wufei, and waved, "hey Wu! You landed here too? These people are weird, ne?"

Wufei glared at him coldly, "no weirder than the great Shinigami......" 

Duo grinned, "hey it's better than the "Self-Appointed Justice Freak"!"

"You dare to *insult* JUSTICE?! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!!" He lunged at his fellow pilot, who stepped out of the way. Wufei crashed into Nuriko who then proceeded to stomp Wufei into the ground. When he could stand Duo was smirking at him.

"That's whatc'a get fer messin' with the great Shinigami!"

Nuriko was glaring, "don't *ever* try to hurt my twin brother!"

"You heard what he said!"

"Whatever, you weakling! But must I remind you that we are on a *mission*?"

Duo grinned and pointed to himself, "don't worry! I didn't forget!"

"Then should I suggest that we get going?"

"Sure thing Wu!" He turned to Nuriko, "It was nice seeing you again! I'll try to visit soon! Bye!"

Nuriko began to cry, "good-bye brother! Keep in touch!"

"Don't worry!" Duo and Wufei climbed into their Gundams and took off. Nuriko waved until they had faded into the distance.

"WOW!!!! WAS THAT COOL OR WHAT??!!" Chiriko was ecstatic.

"Sure..... But we have to start filming again! Places people!"

Suddenly a figure was seen flying through the air. They all watched as it landed..... right in the middle of the set.

"WHAT NOW??!!"

"RANMA SOATOME I SHALL SMITE THEE!!!" The person stood and took in his bearings, "Where am I?"

"Who are you?" 

The person stood straighter and brandished his bokken, "I am the great Tatewaki Kuno! Whom shall I ask are you?"

The Director stepped forward, "well, *we* are trying to film here so if you'd please-"

Just then Kuno spotted Tomahome(who the author thinks looks like Ranma). He jumped in front of him and raised his bokken, "Ranma Saotome! I Swear I shall best thee in battle!" He jumped and brought down his bokken on Toma's shocked face. Needless to say it left a mark and Tomahome haters around the world are rejoicing! But then Nuriko stepped in, which leaves Toma haters/Nuriko lovers in confusion as to how to feel..... O.o 

"Toma-kins, what have you done now?" he didn't hear the reply because Kuno had attached himself to the unsuspecting crossdresser.

"PIG-TAILED GIRL!!! I'VE FOUND YOU AT LAST!!!"

"AHHH!!!!!!!!!!! GET OFF OF ME!!!" Nuriko began to flail his arms in an attempt to rid his person of the pest. He stomped on him until he was flat, and seethed. 

Miaka popped up behind them, "Nuriko? What are you doing?" Kuno jumped up upon seeing another girl. 

"Ah, another rose which shines through like a beacon of hope to my heart. VERY WELL! I SHALL DATE WITH YOU!!!!!" He hugged her.

She squealed and broke free. Hotohori was instantly at her side, "What is wrong?"

"That- that "person" is trying to kill me!" 

Hotohori glared at Kuno, "how dare you harm Miaka!"

Kuno smirked and flipped his hair, "I shall smite thee!" he lunged but was thwarted and sent flying into Nuriko who gladly punched him into the sky. 

"I SMOTE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL *gasp* LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL etc, etc."

After twenty minutes the fading llllllllll finally stopped and everyone resumed their activities until "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"

Everyone sweat-dropped. "Okkkkk......... That was weird....."


	4. Cardcaptors are Insane and Touga has Iss...

  
  


They were just about to go back to filming when a blackness overtook the sky. Everything went dark for a second and when it cleared a girl was standing....... right in the middle of the set. Everyone face-planted. 

The girl blinked, "oh my! Where am I?" She saw the others staring at her and put her hands to her face, "oh no! I'll miss my "golden chance"!!!" 

"Umm... excuse me miss? But who are you and why are you here?"

"Watashi-wa Daidjouji Tomoyo..... I don't know why I'm here.... I was filming Sakura-chan and then, that blackness and poof here I am! Oh no! Where's Meiling-chan?"

"Who's Meiling-chan?"

"A friend who was also sucked up by the blackness!" Tomoyo looked around and seemed to notice the people around here for the first time. Her eyes began to sparkle.

Chiriko noticed this and began to back away, "Oh no! I remember who she is! Run away! Before she starts stalking and filming you!!" He began to run but was stopped by an unmentionable force. 

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Who are you?"

Chiriko looked at her fearfully, "Chir- chir- Chiriko" he gulped.

Tomoyo's eyes lit up, "That's so cute!! Since I've lost Sakura-chan, I can dress you up!!!" She laughed again, except this time it seemed slightly possessed. Chiriko tried to run but she grabbed him and pulled him away. "Come on! We're going to have so much fun!!" Everyone sweat-dropped as Chiriko began to scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Mitsukake spoke up, "shouldn't we help him?"

"No, I think it's great that he's making friends his own age!" Nuriko said.

"Hey! I'm his friend!" Miboshi wailed.

"I *said* his *OWN AGE*!!!!!" Nuriko raged.

"Oh yea........"

Meanwhile, Chiriko was being dressed in a sickeningly frilly pink dress with bunny ears and a fluffy tail. He was then forced into annoyingly cute pink shoes with shiny silver buckles. His hair was tied into odango's. He cried silently as Tomoyo took out her camera and began to film his every movement. O.o 

"OOHHHHHH!!!!!!!! You're *so* adorable!!!!" Chiriko continued to cry inwardly.

Suddenly there was a crackling sound and they turned to see Sakura and Li forcing their way through a force field. "SAKURA-CHAN!!!!!!!" She ran towards them. "OH NO!!! Did I miss my "golden chance"?" Sakura sweat-dropped. 

"What are you talking about Tomoyo-chan?"

Tomoyo pushed Chiriko out in front of her, "look! I got bored without you! Although you look *much* better than he does! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!" Sakura sweat-dropped even more. Chiriko was edging away, throwing off the clothes. When he had them all off he bolted. 

"SHE'S INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Anyway, Tomoyo-chan we should go back," Sakura took her friends' hand and began to walk back to the force field when she suddenly remembered Li, "Ne, where is Shoalon-kun?"

They looked around only to find him being pounded into the ground by an outraged Nuriko. 

"What did I do?!" he cried as he went flying through the air. 

Nuriko was dusting off his hands as he sniffed, "I have special orders to pound the one named Shoalon! If you want to live leave now!" He glared at him.

"Fine!" the three walked back to the force field. Tomoyo turned around and waved, getting everyone on film.

"JA!!!! I loved filming all of you! Chiriko, you're *so* cute!!" With that they walked back through the force field. 

Chiriko was on the ground twitching. Miboshi smiled down at him.

"I think she liked you!"

Chiriko screamed and began to twitch faster, until he passed out from the shock and effort. 

"Geez, what's his problem?"

"I don't know, but he'd better wake up soon! He has a big scene coming up!!"

"Oh well! Let's just hurry up and start filming before someone *else* shows up! I don't know why *I* have to be here anyway! I'm *DEAD*! You hear that?! D. E. A. D. DEAD!!!!!!!!" Nuriko was seething, "if anyone needs me, I'll be in my trailer!" He stomped away still seething.

"What's wrong with him?" 

"He's just mad because he's dead and Houki is moving in on Hotohori."

"Oh. I see."

"People!? We have a series to shoot so let's go!"

"Hai, Director-sama!"

"Umm...... we can't film yet." As usual it was Miaka who spoke up. The Director looked at her in exasperation.

"May I ask why, Miss Yuki?"

"Because Chiriko still isn't ready!" She beamed. The Director face-planted and then began to cry.

"WHY? Suzaku why?! Are you *trying* to ruin me??!! Please! I just want to get through this and move on!!!"

Suddenly there was a crackling sound and a black ball appeared..... right in the middle of the set.

Everyone present sweat-dropped and simultaneously looked up at sky and wondered just what this author was on. (Technically..... my Subby is still writing this...... -_-...) Everyone looked at the two figures that had moved out of the energy portal. One was a tall, orange-haired female and the other a tall, red-haired male. Both were wearing school uniforms and carrying dueling swords. They were unaware of their surroundings or the people staring at them. They were in the midst of a duel, and they were intent on finishing it. 

"Touga, you and I both know that miracles don't exist!"

"You only think that because you were blown off by Shiori!"

"Why you! Take that!" With one fell swoop, she knocked the rose from Touga's chest pocket.

"Ah! How dare you best me in battle, Jury! I demand a rematch!" But Jury wasn't listening as she had realized everyone was staring at them.

"Umm.... Touga? How did we get here?" The red-head looked over and raised his chin. 

"This looks like a set of some kind, did you know I can act?"

"Ya, like the manipulative basturd that you are...."

"What was that Jury?"

"Nothing!"

The Director was approaching the two newcomers, "excuse me? But who are you and why are you dueling in the middle of my set?!" The duelists just stared at him as he dissolved into a heap of sniveling mass.

"Well..... I am Touga Kiryuu and this is my fellow classmate Jury Arisugawa. We were in the middle of a duel and then a portal was opened and we found ourselves here."

Juri smacked his head, "you idiot! You don't even know what a portal is! How are you telling them this?!" Everyone simultaneously looks up at the sky as they ponder just how low this author will go.....

"Yes, well could you re-open this "portal" for us so that we can get back? I have a date with Utena!"

Juri erupted, "HOW ARE THEY GOING TO RE-OPEN A PORTAL THAT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WAS *OPENED* IN THE *FIRST* PLACE??!!!"

Everyone looked at Chichiri, who was still getting over the loss of his one true love, Naga. (-_-; Sorry all you Tas/Chiri lovers..... -_-... Hey! I love em too!) He was sitting on the ground watching a really old sappy flick on the t.v. that he conveniently carries in his ?kasa?. He was surrounded by an increasingly large pile of tissues and robotically eating chocolates.

"Oh John! Do you really have to leave me?"

"Yes, Sara. You know this is the only way!"

"I know, but it tears me apart to know that I'll never see you again!"

"Don't worry, my love will be with you forever!"

The two lovers embrace causing everyone watching and reading this fic to gag.

"Oh John!"

"Oh Sara!"

Chichiri blew his nose on another tissue, "It's *so* sad, no da! Naga! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?!" He stretched out his arms to the sky and cried.

Everyone sweat-dropped, "I guess he can't help...."

Everyone thought quietly until they all came to the same inevitable conclusion, "TAIITSU-KUN!!!!!!!!!" The old woman was trying to silently float away, but was grabbed by the Director.

"PLEASE TAIITSU-KUN!!! YOU MUST SEND THEM AWAY!!! I WANT MY SET BACK!!!!" The controller sweat-dropped and turned to the newcomers, eyeing them.

Touga looked as though he would be sick. "What is your problem?" she snapped.

"I can't bear the ugliness..." Hotohori clapped Touga on the back.

"It's ok! I was the same way when I saw her for the first time! Don't worry, it only gets worse!"

"HOTOHORI!!!!!" 

"Sorry Taiitsu-kun!"

He collapsed into a fit of laughter. The controller sighed. "I can re-open the portal, but it'll take a while for me to prepare, especially without my pupil...." she eyed Chichiri who was still crying and eating chocolate. "I hope he can get over that soon......"

"He better! He has a scene coming up!"

"So anyway! Your saying we're stuck here until she can re-open that portal?"

"Yes. So make yourselves comfortable."

Minutes later Juri was having a heated discussion with Miaka about Suzaku. 

"Miracles don't exist! This is just an elaborate set-up!"

"Miracles do so exist! And I believe in Suzaku! He'll come and grant all our wishes!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"NO, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no!"

"YES, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

"You're just wasting your time!"

"Well, maybe I am! But I have to see this thing through!"

"You're just a naive little girl!"

"I don't care!" Miaka ended the debate by sticking out her tongue in very priestess-like (childish) manner. They both turned away from each other crossing their arms and huffing. Meanwhile Touga was slowly becoming insane as he didn't have anyone he could seduce or manipulate. 

"Oh no!!! I'm going to miss my date with Utena! And Saionji is probably already planning his takeover of the Student Council! Ahhh!!!! He's evil! And he's always wanted my great and ominous power!!" At this point he was kneeling on the ground, clutching his head in his hands. Everyone who had been within 20 meters had hurriedly shifted away. "He'll take over, and then he'll start doing evil things!! But I won't allow this! No I won't! MUWHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'll get back soon and when I do, he'll cower at my feet!!! It's brilliant!! *BRILLIANT*!!!!!" He was now raving like a mad-man. "He'll have no choice but to bend before my will!! I'll show no mercy!!!! But, what if it's too late??!! He's evil!! *EVIL*!!!!!!!!" He was crying now, and everyone within a 3 mile radius had vacated the area.

***********

Flash over to the Revolutionary Girl Utena set.

Saionji is found in the kendo training room, swinging his bokken down in a repetitious fashion. He then collapses into a sniffling heap of mass. "Oh Touga! Where have thou gone?! *sniff* I need you here! I- I feel empty without you manipulating me!" He clutched his bokken as if it were a lifeline and curled into a fetal position, "why have you abandoned me?! I can't go on without you! Please Touga! Return, so I can once again feel your powers of persuasion!!" He then began to sob outright. The random students who just happened to also be training at the time shrugged and continued their activities, as this was a weekly occurrence.

************


	5. Portal ReOpening

  
  


Sometime later, Taiitsu-kun came floating back onto the set. She was followed by numerous Nyan Nyans who carried various "portal re-opening" spell items. She stopped when she saw Touga on the ground and considered turning around. Then she thought that the sooner they left, the sooner Fushigi Yugi would be filmed and she could return to beach-side condo. (Eww..... *shudders at thought of HER in a bathing suit*) 

"I'm ready to perform the "portal re-opening". Would everyone please form a pentagon."

Yui jumped up, "Oh Thank Sieryuu you're here now! That weird girl Jury kept giving me the strangest looks. Like she was checking me out or something...." the blonde-haired girl shuddered. 

Taiitsu-kun sweat-dropped, "alright..... Touga and Jury? Would you please stand in the center of the pentagon? Thank you!" The two stood frozen in the center, while everyone moved to form a pentagon around them. (By the way..... this pentagon was formed...... right in the middle of the set! HEHEHEHEHE!! *The Evil Chipmunk Strikes Again!!*) Jury had her arms crossed and looked angry, while Touga was still a sniffling/laughing mass of confusion. The Nyan Nyans floated and popped around the pentagon handing everyone several items. When these items were carefully examined, the entire cast sweat-dropped.

"Umm..... Taiitsu-kun? Why did you give us Hula-skirts?"

"Yea! And why do we have Leis? How exactly are you planning to perform this re-opening?" 

"Well, in order to perform the ritual you must-"

The Nyan Nyans began to pop up, "We helped prepare for it!"

"Taiitsu-kun said we could help fix the set!"

"But she wouldn't let us fix her face!" With that the controller sent the little girls flying. 

"Insufferable little brats..... can't get a word in edgewise!" Everyone was staring at her, "oh yes! *ahem* The ritual.... in order to re-open the portal you must don these outfits and Hula dance to the Hamster Dance song!!!!!" She threw back her head and laughed in a moment of temporary insanity. 

Hotohori leaned over to Nakago and whispered, "I *knew* someone *that* repulsive was insane! I knew it!" Nakago nodded his head vigorously in agreement.

Taiitsu-kun regained her calm and fixed everyone with a cold stare, "what are you waiting for?! I'm serious! Put them on!" Everyone grudgingly put on the grass skirts and Leis. Mutters arose.

"I knew that she lived alone, but is she really *this* deprived?"

"It's not only just her body that's twisted!"

"I wonder how Chichiri survived three years with the Hag?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick!!"

Moments later everyone was seen wearing the sickeningly offending outfits and Taiitsu-kun was smiling at her handy-work. 

"Alright! We are ready to begin! Nyan Nyan? Start the music!"

"Yay! Music, music!"

"Hamster dance! Hamster dance!"

The aforementioned song began to fill the air, and everyone grimaced and had to resist the urge to cover their ears, knowing what would happen to them if they did.

"Dica-dee-da-dee-dee-do-do! Dee-da-dee-dee-do!!"

"No!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!" Miboshi was on the ground, clutching his head. "My head feels like it's splitting apart!"

"MIBOSHI!!!! GET UP!!!! OR SUFFER A FAR GREATER FATE THEN THIS!!!!"

Miboshi struggled to his feet. Once there he shivered at the thought of being subjected to Taiitsu-kun's wrath. 

"ALRIGHT! Everyone begin to Hula Dance! You two! Concentrate on your home set! Tomahome!! DANCE LIKE YOU *MEAN* IT!!!!!!!"

Everyone Hula danced to the increasingly annoying song. But it didn't seem to be working, as nothing happened. After the song had played 23 times, everyone finally collapsed from exhaustion.

"Well *that* didn't work, did it?" Tomahome was sulking.

Taiitsu-kun smacked him on the head, "OF COURSE IT DIDN'T WORK!!!!!! YOU WEREN'T DANCING WITH *ENTHUSIASM*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone was cowering.

Miaka piped up, "does that mean we have to try *again*?"

"NO!!!! WE ARE *NOT* GOING TO TRY *AGAIN*!!!!!" 

"THEN WHAT THE HELL *ARE* WE GOING TO DO????!!!!!!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO DO NOTHING *TASUKI*!!!!! YOU WILL STAY OUT OF WAY, AS I PERFORM THE SPELL WHICH WILL RE-OPEN THE PORTAL!!!!!"

Everyone face-vaulted, "you mean there's a *spell* for this??!!"

"OF COURSE!!!"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU USE *THAT* IN THE FIRST PLACE??!!!"

Taiitsu-kun sniffed, "because I didn't feel like it!"

Everyone face-vaulted... again. Tomahome jumped to his feet with his fists clenched, "how dare you make us Hula Dance to that offending song, *especially* since you could have just used a spell!!!!" he launched himself towards the controller. She waved her hand and he went flying into hyper space.

"Does anyone agree with him?"

They all sweat-dropped and shook their heads no.

"Good. Then I shall begin the spell." 

Everyone was mumbling as she grumbled the incoherent words of the spell. When she opened her eyes, the black hole had reappeared....... right in the middle of the set. Touga and Jury stepped into the darkness, or rather Jury briskly walked into it while dragging a maddened Touga.

"Thanks for all your help." Then the portal closed on their retreating forms.

Everyone let out breaths that they didn't know they were holding. O.o 

"Thank Suzaku they're gone!" 

**************

Flash over to Utena set.

Touga and Jury reappear in the middle of the kendo training room. Saionji sees them and jumps from his fetal position. He runs up to Touga maddened with glee. 

"Touga! Thank Dios, you've returned! I started to think you had forgotten about me!" He had glomped onto the red-head and was crying.

"Oh, he didn't forget about you.... His every thought was of you!" Jury rolled her eyes and left. 

"Don't worry Saionji. I'm here now."

"Oh Touga! I missed being manipulated by you!"

"I know! Hey let's go back to my place."

The sniffling Saionji could only nod his head weakly, as they made their way out of the building.

**************


	6. Edward is the Greatest

"I don't think I can go on anymore! How many times are we going to be interrupted??" 

There was a burst of laughter from the corner of the set. Everyone turned to see Amiboshi sitting at his laptop, furiously tapping at the keys. He laughed again. "That's so funny!"

"Brother *what* are you doing?" Suboshi looked more than ticked off.

Amiboshi turned to look at them all, "I'm having an online chat and chess game with a strange person named Ed!"

"Ed?"

"YUP! That's my name!" They all stared at the laptop, through which a girl with crazy hair and goggles was emerging. They were all shocked by this new development. "Edward Wong Hau Pepulu Tivrusky the 4th, at your service!" She said while bowing.

Everyone sweat-dropped. 

"Well, that's great, but we have to finish filming so could you be a good girl and go back the way you came please?" Ed wasn't listening, as she had picked up the smell of food. She stood up and swayed turning her head trying to determine the direction from which the delectable aroma was coming.

"FOOD!!!!" Ed took off on all fours, her tongue sticking out in anticipation. The Director sweat-dropped. 

"Wow! She's as bad as Miaka!"

"Tomahome!"

Everyone stared as the goggled kid became a torrent of flailing arms, feet, hands, legs, mouth and teeth. Soon the buffet table which had been piled high with food for the cast and crew was cleaned bare. There was not a crumb left as Ed sat on the table rubbing a slightly enlarged belly. 

"Ummm. That was good! Is there anymore? Ed's still hungry!"

Everyone face-vaulted. "I take back what I said, she's *worse* then Miaka!" (Ya, she's almost like someone *I* know!!! *snickers* Hey! Shut up and *write* Subby!) Edward took notice of where she was and began to run around the set, climbing on cameras and stage lights and generally being a nuisance for the poor Director.

"Excuse me! Could you please go home?! I'm sure your parents are worried about you!" The Director was desperately trying to get her to come down from a light crane. 

"What parents? Edward doesn't have parents! Nope! I just have Spike-person and Jet-person! Oh yea! And Faye-Faye! Whoo-hoo!" She was hanging upside down from the crane, flailing her arms madly, while making obscene faces at those below.

"Could someone *please* get her down?! We have to film *something* before this day ends!"

"Sure thing, Director-sama!" Tomahome leapt up and snatched the girl, pulling her back down to the ground. She growled at him. The Director looked her in the eye.

"Edward, I am asking you nicely. *Please* go home!"

"Noooooo!!!!!!!!!! Ed don't wanna! You can't make Ed leave!" She bit down on Tomahome's hand hard. (Author hears an audible whoop from somewhere in the distance. *come on! Ya know who it was!* Toma-haters around the world rejoice!) He screamed in pain and Ed escaped his grasp. She stuck out her tongue and scampered off. Tasuki saw this and laughed at Tomahome, whose hand was now turning red and swelling, throbbing in pain. (Rejoice! Rejoice!) 

"I like that kid! Hey Toma! That looks like it hurts! Ya sure she doesn't have rabies? Ya want me ta burn ur hand off before it spreads?" Tomahome whirled on him and seethed.

"Tasuki..." 

"Haha! I was just kidding! Your such a loser!" He bounced off laughing to himself.

Meanwhile Ed was wreaking havoc elsewhere. She had found herself in Nuriko's trailer. Nuriko squealed as the intruder bounded onto his dresser, knocking over the various pictures of Hotohori. Nuriko had been busy primping while daydreaming of his love.

"*What* do you think you're doing?!" he screeched. "Those are *special*!!!! You don't *touch* those!!" Nuriko was seething while Ed just tilted her head to the side and blinked innocently at the outraged Seishi. 

"Why are you putting on make-up when you're a man?"

"Why are squatting on my dresser like a monkey? Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"

He was busily trying to clean up his pictures. 

"Edward doesn't have a mother! But she has Faye-Faye! Actually," she eyed Nuriko carefully before nodding, "you remind me of Faye-Faye! What is your name?"

Nuriko looked up at the trouble-maker warily, "Nuriko, why?"

"NURIKO!!!! You can be my new Faye-Faye!!!!" The girl attached herself to Nuriko, who tried to escape, but failed. He resigned himself to his fate and put a hand on Ed's head.

"Umm... Shouldn't you go home though? Faye-Faye might miss you."

"Nope! Faye-Faye won't miss me! She has Jet-person and Spike-person and they're more then her patience can handle!" Ed was still glued to Nuriko. He tilted the girls head up to get a better look.

"You know, you are quite cute. I wonder....."

Minutes later finds Ed dressed in one of Nuriko's harem outfits and wearing make-up. Nuriko finished applying the mascara and then stepped back to marvel at his work. Edward looked up expectantly, the sleeves trailing on the floor. Nuriko squealed.

"Oh, you're so cute! I *knew* you'd look good in girls clothing!" She was swooning. Ed was having trouble walking and tripped over the long hem, falling onto the bed.

"Umm.... Ed doesn't feel right in this outfit. Can she change back now?" 

Nuriko fixed an icy stare on the girl, "you can if you want, but I don't want you to." He sweat-dropped as Ed wasn't even listening. She was already wearing her usual clothes and was busy scrubbing off the make-up.

"Playing dress-up was fun, Nuriko! Ed's gonna go see if the others wanna play something!" she bounded out of the trailer, leaving a very confused and outraged Nuriko.

"YAY!!!! Edward is having so much fun with all of her new friends!!" Ed was busily running around talking to everyone and anyone. When she came upon the still sniveling Chichiri, she stopped and blinked, then began to stare fixedly at the t.v. he was still watching. She sat next to him and became totally enraptured in what the monk was watching. She began to robotically eat the chocolates in the box. 

"It's *so* sad!!" The monk sobbed and blew his nose again. Edward nodded, and consolingly patted the mage on the back. 

"It's alright! Ed is here!" The crying man, just nodded and they both turned to look at the screen. Miaka came up behind them and began to stare hypnotically at the screen. Soon they were all crying and robotically eating the chocolates. The Director approached them, having saved up the courage to demand that Ed go home. When he saw what the three were watching, he sweat-dropped and then face-vaulted. 

"What are you *doing*?! There's *nothing* on that screen but *static lines*!!!!!!" The three turned to him with glazed over teary looks. 

"It's more then just *lines*! Don't you *see*?! That's how I feel inside! I've felt this way since I lost Naga!" The monk outstretched his arms to the sky and cried, "OH NAGA!! MY GODDESS, COME BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!!" He sobbed and fell into a fetal position. Edward looked at him sympathetically.

"It's alright. I'm sure you'll see her again soon!"

"Yea, Chichiri! Cheer up! True love conquers all right?" Miaka was still wiping away her own tears.

"I *sniff* suppose, *sniff*" 

The Director smacked his head with his hand, "iya! How am I *ever* gonna get through this?"

Edward was sneaking off, but was caught by the Director, "alright! I've had *enough*!! You are going back to where you came from!! NOW!!!!"

"Noooo!!!!! Ed don't wanna!! Ed wanna stay here!!! Ed like the food here!!!!!" she was desperately flailing her arms and legs, trying to escape. The Director carried her to the laptop from which she had entered.

"You're going back, and that's final!" He pushed her against the screen, willing her to merge with it.

"Director-sama?"

He looked up to see Amiboshi, "what is it?"

"Ummm...... you can't just force her into the computer. You have to find out where the weak spot in the linking barrier set into the micro-internet scanner is first."

The Director blinked, still holding Ed, "the weak spot in the linking what?"

Amiboshi sighed, "I think we need Taiitsu-kun again...."

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM *NOT* WEARING THAT DAMN HULA SKIRT AGAIN!!!!!!!" Tomahome passed out and began to twitch.

"Yea............ then does anyone know how we can find the weak spot?"

"Ooo! I do! I do!" Chiriko was bouncing up and down with excitement, "first you have put the inter-locking diethyl phthalte together with the diethyl octaacetate and then you have-" Amiboshi put a hand up to silence him.

"Chiriko! Don't tell us! Just do it, k?" Chiriko blushed then nodded, taking a seat in front of the computer. He oriented himself and then began to tap at the keyboard furiously. His small hands were a whirlwind as he searched for the weak spot. Within seconds he had located it and tapped his finger against the screen. (By the way..... I'm listening to Akai Iitsutae! *does the Sabrina dance* ya know the one she has for this song! I don't know *how* I lived without listening to it for so long?! It's *so* cool! OH yea! The cool music part just came on!!! *dances like an idiot* Long-live CHIRIKO!!!!! Damnit! Why does he have to die??!!! *Cries* oh well..... he's cool and that's why he has such an important part here!! Yea right...... But he is cool, and cute!! *hugs self* his song is sooo sad! NOOOOOO!!!!!! It's ending!!!! *Cries* Oh well.... The Cruel Angel's Thesis Remix is coming on! GO, Ayanami and Asuka!!!!!!! -_-; It's 12:57pm right now, can ya tell! Sorry for interrupting the fic! *laughs nervously* It's coming back now......)

As he expected his fingertip began to dissolve into the screen. "Yes! I did it!"

"What do you mean, 'you did it'?"

Chiriko lifted his hand to his head and laughed nervously, "well.... I knew how to do it, but I wasn't entirely sure that I could! Eh heh heh heh heh heh! I'm just glad it worked, now Edward can return safely!"

"And what would have happened if it hadn't worked?"

"Well..... the end result would have been similar to that of Lina's Dragon Slave......." he laughed again, "but it's ok, 'cuz it worked!" The Director and Amiboshi had paled, while Edward was laughing with glee. 

"YAY!!!!! Dragon Slave, Dragon Slave!!!!!!!"

"It is *not* a good thing!" the Director stated as he pushed her into the screen.

"NOOO!!!!!! Ed no want to leave!!!!"

"I'm sorry, but this has to be done!" With one last push, Edward Wong Hau Pepulu Tivrusky the 4th disappeared into the screen. The Director exhaled deeply, and brushed his hands together.

"Well, now that she's gone, we can resume filming! Good work Chiriko!"

The little boy beamed at this praise, "it was nothing!" 


	7. Eva's and Ramen Dinner for Twenty

The Director began to assemble everyone when there was a high-pitched scream and a huge orange and white robot appeared out of thin-air and crashed........ right in the middle of the set.

A white capsule sprang out of the back and a blue-haired girl stepped out. The Director was exasperated, again.

"And who, may I ask, are you, young lady?"

The girl stared at them blankly then fixed her icy gaze on the director, "I am Rei Ayanami. I am that which is myself. Who are you? Or rather who do you think you are?" A strange wind blew by then, rustling the tree leaves, as the theme music from the "Twilight Zone" filled the air. Rei did not flinch, she just continued to stare.

The Director cleared his throat , "I am the Director of Fushigi Yugi, whose set you and your machine over there are currently occupying. May I ask that you kindly move it so that my crew and I may get back to work?"

"I can not move it. My Eva will not have enough power when the time is right for me to leave. You will have to wait until I am called back."

"And if you are not "called back"?"

"Then I shall assume that they think me dead and I will remain here until it is true." She began to walk back to her Eva. The music is still playing. Suboshi bounces up.

"Whoa! Who's the babe?!"

"Don't even try Suboshi. She's strange......" But the teenager wasn't listening as he raced over to where the girl was climbing back into her Eva. 

"Excuse me, miss? What's your name? Not like it matters or anything, but-"

"I am Rei Ayanami."

"Oh that's a nice name..... I'm Suboshi! So what is this thing anyway?" he gestured around himself at the huge suit.

"This is my Eva. I fight the Angels in it." She was busily pressing buttons and scanning the damage she had retained.

"Angels huh?" He got no response. He decided to change the subject, "well, right now we're trying to summon an ancient Chinese god by the name of Sieryuu, while our rivals try to revive Suzaku. It's cool, because when they are summoned, we get to have three wishes granted! Doesn't that sound cool?"

She stared at him, "do you truly believe in these gods? You people confuse me. Why would anyone want to reawaken a god? The powers that be should stay asleep." She returned to her work. Subohis stared, she *was* weird. 

"Why are you staring at me?"

Suboshi jumped, "how did you know I was?"

"Because you make me feel uncomfortable..."

"Why? You're pretty."

"You embarrass me...." All of a sudden there was a static sound and a males' voice was heard from Rei's cockpit. 

"Ayanami? Ayanami can you hear me? We're going to get you out of there! Just sit tight ok?"

A female voice joined in, "yea, Wonder-Girl! Just sit tight and leave everything to Asuka!" Rei began to climb into her cockpit until she noticed Suboshi still staring at her.

"Goodbye. Good luck against these 'Angels'."

She blushed and turned away, "thank you." She slipped into the seat and injected the plug back into the Eva. She then waited until she felt a surge of energy. With the last of her power reserves she launched her Eva up into the sky and it disappeared as two more stretched out there arms to lend assistance. Suboshi watched as she vanished from sight, and he felt empty. O.o 

Yui came running up to him then and smacked him on the head, "hey, Ahou! Stop staring at the sky, we have things to do!" She dragged him off with her to review for their upcoming scenes.

(Ya ok..... I know! Kinda lame.... and short.... and stupid..... but hey! I couldn't think of anything else to do with her! It's 2:41am now and I was seriously considering dropping her out of the fic entirely! Oh well...... -_-...) 

"Alright! This time we *will* film something!" Everyone groaned. This was getting annoying.

"Can we *please* just get the next scene done?" Tomahome was whining.

"Sure, Toma! When you get into place!" 

"Whatever..." the Seishi took his place on the set, waiting for the others to follow his lead. No one did. "Guys? Let's get this over with!" He didn't say anything else because in the next instant he heard a yell and looked up to see a purple-haired girl on a bicycle coming towards him. He couldn't move and in a second, he was lying flattened on the ground, twitching. The girl stopped and looked at him coldly. (Oh yea...... Toma-kins had been standing...... right in the middle of the set.... *snickers*)

"Hey you Stupid-head! What is problem? Why you in Shampoo's way?"

He continued to twitch. "Shampoo late for ramen delivery now!" She was so busy complaining that she didn't notice the SD Miaka sneaking up behind her. Miaka snatched the ramen delivery box and in one gulp, consumed it's contents. She was sighing with satisfaction by the time Shampoo noticed anything was amiss.

She was furious, "YOU! YOU PIGGY-HEAD!!! YOU ATE WHOLE SHAMPOO DELIVERY!!!!????" She raised a fist at Miaka, who was now standing and staring back at her. "SHAMPOO WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!!!" she lunged but the Director stopped her.

"You can't! Miaka is my star!! I'm sorry! I'll pay for whatever she ate." Shampoo was barely constraining her anger.

"That girl ate ramen dinner for twenty!!!! And Shampoo rode *so* long to get here! Customers no be happy!!" The Director sweat-dropped. 

"Tw- twenty?? In that little box?? Who was the customer??"

"Someone by name Lina Inverse...." the Director paled. 

"Oh... this is bad.... Yes, this is very bad!!!" he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, "Here you go! This should be enough to pay for what Miaka ate and to place a new order. Just make sure Miss Inverse gets her food ok??" He handed her a wack of bills, "now you go back and get that food."

Shampoo turned huffily away from the Director and Miaka, "Stupid girl! Now Shampoo have go back to restaurant and make brand new batch!! Then ride all the way back here!!!" She spotted Tomahome still lying on the ground. She kicked him, "this all your fault, you Stupid-head!!! If you no had been in Shampoo's way, Piggy-head no would have eaten ramen!!!!" She picked him up and threw him. "STAY OUT SHAMPOO'S WAY!!!!!!!!!!" She punched him and he flew into hyperspace, screaming in pain. (Rejoice) She picked up her bike. She was about to ride off when she sweat-dropped. She turned back to the Director with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Umm..... Shampoo no know what way is back!" The Director face-vaulted.

Tokaki was immediately at her side, "don't worry Babe! I'll show you the way back!" Shampoo took out her trademark "ball-weapons". (Sorry! I don't know what they're called...... -_-;) She made short work of the man.

"GET AWAY FROM SHAMPOO YOU PERVE!!!!!!!" she watched with a smirk of satisfaction as the hentai flew through the mesosphere. Her eyes scanned the area. She noticed a wall and approached it, dragging her bike, "FINE!!! IF NO ONE TELL SHAMPOO WHERE IS EXIT, THEN SHAMPOO MAKE HER OWN!!!!!!" She smashed through the wall and turned, sticking her tongue out at all present. "Shampoo no stick around with Stupid-heads like you!" She continued to smash through the walls until she found herself on familiar ground. "Finally! Shampoo free!!! But now have make ramen dinner for twenty....." She growled and got onto her bike, riding off into the distance. Everyone left behind the shattered walls were sweat-dropping. 

"Umm..... How long will it take to fix the walls?"

At that the Director collapsed into a fit of tears and screams of frustration, "THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!"

"You can't quit now! We're almost finished! The story was just getting to it's climax!"

"I DON'T CARE!!!!!! GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!!!!!!!"


	8. Mars Fire Surround!

The repair crew was busy building new walls and no one noticed when a raven-haired girl appeared....... right in the middle of the set. 

"Mars Fire, Surround!!" She let loose a torrent of fire-balls, one of them burning Tomahome, who had conveniently landed...... right in the middle of the set. He crumpled into a fried, twisted heap of twitching mass. Tasuki jumped as he saw the flames and instinctively drew his tessen.

"Hey! Whad'ya think yer doin??!! You could *hurt* someone!" The girl blinked and noticed where she was. 

"This isn't Tokyo..... Where am I?"

"Yur in the middle of our friggin set! And you almost burned half our crew!"

The girl blinked again, "I'm sorry.... I didn't realize that I wasn't still fighting.... Oh no! I left *USAGI* by herself to fight that thing??!!!!! OH GREAT!! SHE'LL GET HERSELF KILLED!!!!" She noticed everyone staring at her. Chiriko squealed.

"WOW!!!! IT'S SAILOR MARS!!!!! SHE'S *SO* COOL!!!!!!" 

"Well of course I am! But right now I have to get back..... It seems that a portal was opened when our attacks met!"

Everyone sweat-dropped and paled visibly. Tomahome jumped up, "I AM *NOT* WEARING THAT DAMN HULA SKIRT AGAIN!!!!!"

Mars was startled and fried him again. Tasuki smirked.

"So, ya like playing with fire eh?? Wanna have a little match?" The Director smacked him on the head.

"NO! You do *NOT*!!! You remember what happened *last* time, don't you??!!" From somewhere in the distance Chichiri sobbed again.

"NAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ok, Director-sama. I won't fight her..... This time...." he smirked and turned away.

"WAIT! I need help to get back to the fight! Usagi can't win without me!!!" 

"Don't ask me! I can't help ya.... But the old bag might have a spell!" 

"TASUKI!!!!!" Taiitsu-kun had overheard and hit him on the head, "just for that, I'm gonna make you listen the Hamster Dance and the Spice Girls until you pass out!!!" The bandit shuddered.

"I'm sorry Taiitsu-kun! Please spare me!"

"I'll think about it....." she turned to Mars, "my child, how did this portal appear?"

"Well, Usagi and I were fighting a monster and then when I threw my fire, it counter-attacked and I found myself here. Can you help me?"

"I think I have a spell to get you back home..... but it will require a bit of preparation....."

"I AIN"T WEARING THAT DAMN HULA SKIRT AGAIN!!!!"

"You AHOU!!!!! This spell is *different*!!!!"

The girl bowed deeply to the controller, "In the name of Mars, I thank you."

"It's no problem."

In the moments after Taiitsu-kun had left, trailed by her many Nyan Nyans, everyone had swarmed the Sailor Seishi.

"So you fight monsters and bad guys?"

"Yes."

"That's so cool!"

"I love your outfit, red is so the new pink!"

"Of course."

"See, Soi? This is what *you* were supposed to look like earlier!" Miboshi and Chiriko were snickering at the remembrance of "Sailor Soi".

"Why you.... I'll *GET* you for that if it's the last thing I do!!" Miboshi took out his screenplay. 

"Well, technically. The last thing you do is confess your love to Nakago but........" he flipped through the pages, "hey. I have a question! How come when Chiriko stabs himself and we're both dying, how come Chiriko is so perfectly in control of himself? I mean. Shouldn't I be trying to take over? Try to get out or something?" Chiriko grabbed the book and read.

"Yea..... I never understood that part.... Meh!" he shrugged, "it's probably just cuz I'm better than you!" Miboshi thwacked him.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Well, at least I'm *useful* to my fellow Seishi!" That triggered something deep inside of the little boy that no one knew was there.

"WHY YOU!!!!!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!!!!!!!!" Chiriko seemed to grow bigger, as fangs grew and multiple pinch marks appeared on his head and shaking fist. "MIBOSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he let out his battle cry as he sent the little body-stealer through the air, with a strength that he didn't know he had. 

Hotohori leaned over to whisper in Nakago's ear, "he's been spending *way* too much time with Tasuki! It's not good for his health...." Nakago watched and nodded his head vigorously.

"Yup, yup!"

Meanwhile the aforementioned (I *love* that word! = P) bandit was clapping Chiriko on the back, "that's meh boy!!! Good job Chiriko! Show em who's boss!" The little boy was still seething. Sailor Mars sweat-dropped as the corners of her mouth twitched, *these people are even weirder than Usagi! I have to get home!*

"So you're a Sailor Seishi? From Mars?" 

"Well.... I was actually a Princess from Mars, a representative in the Crystal Millennium. I used to protect the Moon Princess. But that was over a thousand years ago.... Now I still protect the Moon Princess, but I'm not one myself."

"You don't say! So you were a Martian? Heh! I thought only little green men came from there! Hahahahahahahaha!" It was Tomahome who had spoken. He didn't seem to notice the pinch marks forming on the enraged girls head, as she raised her hands.

"Mars...."

Everyone backed slowly away from the two.

"Fire......"

Tomahome was still blissfully unaware of his fate.

"SURROUND!!!!!!" Numerous balls of fire leapt from Mar's fingers and straight toward the laughing Seishi. He turned in time to see them, but not in time escape. He let out a loud and terrified eep, before being burned alive. He crumbled to the ground in a pile of bones and ash. Mars dusted off her hands and flipped her hair over her shoulder. The Director saw this and screamed.

"WHY??!! WHY DOES THIS KEEP *HAPPENING*??!! TOMA-BABY! I NEED YOU!! YOU'RE MY *STAR*!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO HURT YOU????" he looks up at everyone with tears in his eyes. Everyone capable looked up into the sky and whistled innocently. 

"I guess someone up there with a lot of power is out to get you Toma!"

"Shut up Tasuki!" the pile of bones and ash was now a perfectly sound person again.

"Oh.... I was hoping you wouldn't come back like you always do...."

"I'm baaaacccck!" Everyone turned to see Taiitsu-kun return in all her, er..... glory.....

"Alright! This time we'll do it differently! I want you all to Disco to the Dancing Queen!" Everyone groaned, "please Taiitsu-kun! There's got to be another way!"

The controller sighed, "fine! Everyone form a circle around Sailor Mars and concentrate on getting her back home." Everyine sighed as they reluctantly obeyed. Suddenly Tomo was struck down by Taiitsu-kuns lightning wrath. "TOMO!!!! I SAID *CONCENTRATE*!!!!!!!!" he couldn't respond as he lay unconscious, his limbs twitching nervously from the shock.

From then on everyone concentrated as hard as they could. Taiitsu-kun chanted an incantation softly. The wind began to pick up and a strange buzzing filled the air. Soon the buzzing became static electricity and flames erupted around the Sailor Seishi. Her hair blew upwards as that ominous Twilight Zone music played again. Everyone stared in fascination as the flames licked and swirled around her until she dissolved into them. When the flames disappeared the wind died down and the music ceased. Everyone was left staring at the spot where she had been.

"Man, I miss her already! She was cool!"

"You only think that because she burned Tomahome!"

"So what? Everyone has a violent side, I like that in a girl!"

"I thought you didn't like girls?"

"Only certain ones......"

"Weird...."

"Alright! Now I will *not* allow anymore *interruptions*!!! We *will* continue with this!" The Director was smiling in triumph, until a nameless crew member came up and whispered something into his ear. "WHAT!?!?!?" he exploded, "WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* WE'VE LOST THE LIGHT???!!!!" He looked up into the sky and saw the sun just beginning to fade below the horizon. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It isn't *fair*!!!! WHY DO YOU MAKE ME SUFFER LIKE THIS???!!!!" He collapsed to his knees and cried. Miaka patted him on the back consolingly.

"Daijoubu! Tomorrow will be a brand new day, and we can work extra hard to get back on schedule!" she flashed her trademark smile and the Director looked at her with renewed hope in his eyes.

"You mean it?"

"Hai, Director-sama!" She stood and walked off. The Director was content at this and decided to go to bed early. 


	9. I Love Happy Endings

Meanwhile.......

A black limo pulls up to the Set of Fushigi Yugi. A familiar woman steps out and laughs. "MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Chiri?! I came back!!" the monk instantly teleported to her side, and they shared a heated kiss. The mage was looking *drop-dead frickin GORGEOUS!!!!* in tight leather pants and a close-fitting black biker top. He was wearing sunglasses that just screamed *don't touch me*!! (umm... -_-; I can't write at the moment because the author is drooling over the mental image..... A subconscious can only function in the physical world when it's body is working, and right now mine isn't!.......................... *Elapsed time is approximately twenty-three minutes*) The couple breaks off the kiss, "I'm sorry about earlier Chiri. But I had to go back to work, you know how it is! And Lina can be such a pain in the ass sometimes..." 

"I heard that! FIREBALL!!!!" Chichiri put up a shield and the attack fizzled out harmlessly. Lina looked shocked, "I've never met anyone who could do that....."

"MUWAHAHAHAHA! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA! Lina you need to get a boyfriend!"

"I *had* one! But *you* scared him away! Remember?!"

"Oh. You mean Gourry? He was nothing! MUWAHAHAHAHA! You can find better Lina! Now if you'll excuse us, we have a date." They got into the limo and sped away to enjoy the evening..... and the night........ and the morning..... = P (*winks*) O.o 

  
  


THE END 

(Thank Suzaku!)

  
  


A/N: Wow! I don't own em, but whoa dang can I make em do the weirdest things! ;P What did you think? Let me know! Thanks for reading all the way to the end, I hope the experience wasn't *too* painful...... ^^; Eh heh heh heh..........


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